A Touch of Madness
by gilventure
Summary: Cloud's thoughts during the period where he falls into the lifestream.  [CloudxAerith implication oneshot]


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and its characters are copyright Square-Enix.

_Note on Style: I used extreme stream of consciousness for this piece, as I hope becomes apparent given the time period during the game that this piece takes place. If it is a difficult read, my apologies; I just wanted to try this style out. Please enjoy to your heart's content. :) _

**A Touch of Madness**

Round round round round. The water in the well. Drip drip drip. Loud and louder, drip drip of the water. It didn't rhyme, it didn't reason. The window he watched led to the bed where she slept, only he couldn't watch because it wasn't there and she wasn't there and he wasn't there and they weren't there. No one was there except everyone was and they were loud loud as the drip drip of the water from the well by the store where the rusty truck was only there was no rusty truck only the drip drip shouts of the people he couldn't see although he could hear them in the dark where a black ball was spinning round and round as he tossed it over to a white hand with no legs.

Yellow flowers rang church bells and ran from blue suits only to be cut by a razor and not make a sound. She didn't make a sound. She fell and he fell and they fell and he couldn't find the path the ribbon led to where the fish was where the blue road couldn't reach into her room and the shadow was over her but he couldn't stop it because the shadow was him. The ball went round round and he gave it over. They shouted cloud cloud stop stop but he stood there and held the sword until it fell only it wasn't his sword it was a different sword but it was his because he was there and she was there and she smiled but he didn't stop it.

She laughed but it wasn't serious because she was with him and not with him and she didn't love the black haired one who he was trying so hard to forget but who was he anyway and why was he thinking of him and how did they even meet? Drip drip water red but not water only blood only blood it was her blood not his blood but it should have been his blood he should have saved her should have stopped him as he descended only to be consumed by water that wasn't water that was her blood that wasn't her blood. He gave him the ball round round it spun but she cried his name and he couldn't hear her. He couldn't hear her. He…couldn't…hear…her calling calling faster faster round round like the black ball that was in the sky which was red or the ball was red or they both were red and everything was green.

Black hair covering smile over sword and blue armor reached out to pull him from shards of glass. The basement was cold only it couldn't be cold he didn't come there alone he came there with her not with him he didn't exist only he existed and his hair wasn't black it was gold. She said they looked alike but weren't alike but what was alike when he was alone or two or three. Swallow swallow as she sank down into the darker depths he couldn't see but the fish ate her as she screamed silently only she didn't scream because she couldn't scream or cry or laugh or get angry. She wouldn't scream she wouldn't cry but he felt her scream and he felt her cry although he couldn't hear her voice he was where was he where was he where was he didn't know.

She leaned forward smiling as the gold passed over them and the chocobos ate the greens that didn't grow unless Midgar was near nothing grew in Midgar only the trains that ran in circles all day long he couldn't get off the train he was on but he was with her on the gondola and she was looking at him but she wasn't because she was in the lake he put her there and killed her even though she said she'd be back he killed her she wouldn't be back he'd failed. He was a failure the scientist said so only he couldn't be a failure he'd been a success it was the black haired one who'd been the failure but maybe he was wrong and he'd not been alive after all. He was made up a puppet a doll who gave over the ball and killed her without killing her by standing and watching as she'd fallen and her hair had fallen so pretty pretty pretty with the long ribbon falling and her blood on the ground. The ball bounced down down down until it was red in the sky but he couldn't see the sky it was only blue and green.

They were loud loud hurting hurting until he was crying without crying although he couldn't cry he wasn't alive he was dead and not dead undead until she found him and brought him to life again. She couldn't bring herself to life he was alone alone without her here where he'd given the ball away and they'd shouted cloud cloud he couldn't hear their voices he couldn't hear her voice he wanted to hear her voice more than anything else except the drip drip of the water at the well where he looked through her window only it wasn't her window it was someone else's window not her bed but someone else's bed the someone who'd walked up the mountain that day only he couldn't remember the name.

Bodyguard she'd come back he shouldn't have a breakdown it wasn't his fault only it was it was his fault and his breakdown her bodyguard who stood there and laughed while she died. Did he laugh or did he cry or did he just yell he couldn't remember only her body slipping down down into the dark depths where he couldn't go because he wasn't real only a doll made up of someone's memories while she was lost because he wasn't real. If he'd been real he would be with her she would be with him he was her bodyguard they were together and the drip drip of the well consumed the fish who ate the green he was floating and he couldn't escape.

Round round round spun the black orb green orb spiraling out of her hair as she fell he was falling she was falling they were falling together at last he couldn't hear her voice but she was calling calling calling.

He was floating in the dark dark and it was colder and colder they were louder louder until he couldn't hear them he heard Tifa's voice but not hers she was gone he couldn't hear her ever again no matter how much he wanted to he'd killed her she was gone even though she'd be back she wasn't she couldn't she'd sunk and it was the other one who called him now.

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_Further notes: I wrote this mostly for my own amusement; it's not meant to be taken as any sort of great work or great fan fiction. I was having difficulty working on my regular novel, so I thought if I wrote a bit of Cloud drabble, it would help break my writer's block. To quote Final Fantasy VII, "seems to have been working" ;). Thank you everyone who managed to read through it all, regardless of how you personally felt about the style. _


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